I mean, where do I even BEGIN! This month has been so rich, so frustrating, so awesome, so hard, so great. I was inspired about a month ago to paint small everyday for 30 days. Initailly, the thought was to paint, just to paint fast and small, nothing overwhelming, just to keep me on my toes. This of course like everything I do became something more complicated. Like I have mentioned before, the process of a project is what I love most. This little painting project became so much more to me.
Now I am a believer that most things happen for a reason, not everything, and now I take that back, maybe not even most things, but a lot of things happen for a reason. The optimist in me says most things happen for a reason the cynic in me says some things are not coincidence, today Im saying a lot of things happen for a reason. Sometimes I'm not sure what those reasons are, but this month I was convinced that most things are not by chance, And the crazy thing is, I couldn't imagine a more profound and perfect way to get my attention.
Its sort of hard to put all this into words. Really forever I have been chasing beauty. I love aesthetics. There was a brief time, when I say brief I mean years ,that beauty was put on the back burner. I've always been an artist. For a long time I've embraced this and loved it. Then it became something in my mind that was flippant, flaky, and tucked in the closet. But that was my core, part of my calling. So I felt lost and cofused. Thank heavens I no longer feel that way. I feel some of my deepest longings are so similar to how most people feel and I can get a lot of it out through painting.
Im struck by things of wonder. I like to think about things that don't have a concrete answer. Im not a mystic, but I like to think that things happen to meet me in a way that gets my attention just for me, I know this is true. I have been told my paintings seems happy, calm, inviting. That pleases me. I choose to paint the way I do because to a certain extent I can control my painting. Now, let me also say the beauty of creativity as most know, when you are in that moment, it sometime takes you where you never expected and that is BEAUTIFUL! So I guess thats the perfect collision somewhat control/somewhat surprise. In a world that seems so dark and out of control most of the time, through my paintings I can control my color palette and texture of paint and subject matter or lack there of:) I just want to make something that makes me stop inside myself and feel ok. Feel pleased to see something that I did not expect, but happy to know it now. All these longings are so real and so deep in there. Beauty is such an amazing thing, I feel like I am only skimming the surface to why God created beauty. It is such a mysterious thing. Why do some things captivate me but not the other person? When we encounter beauty, what is it that stuns us? We can't predict it. It is so wonderful. I could go on and on and on about this, I could also tell stories that are not coincidence that I have partaken in this month that convince me more than ever that our souls have a deep longing and need for beauty and that we are all longing for it.
This takes me to why I am doing this little painting project the next 30 days. I am going to be painting little 4x4 mini paintings of highly textured abstract florals. Lately in my life I have had a lot of waiting and transition. Im not the biggest fan of living in an in between state. Really I feel that in these times I have the worst attitude, I'm impatient and irritable with my kids. I hate that I feel this way. I wish I could live in these times and not feel the way that I do. I decided to do these paintings during this challenging time as a reminder of beauty and to give my heart and my eyes a respite from the challenges of life. These little paintings are a daily reminder for me this month that there can be beauty in the midst of trials and beauty can give your heart and soul a break from the mundane of life. I can't wait at the end of these 30 days to step back and see the beauty that this month graced me with.