I recently had a conversation with my dad about my art. This conversation was really meaningful to me. I knew this about my art and felt this way before, but for some reason at that time voicing these things felt really impactful to me. This is how the conversation went. Dad told me that my art made him really happy when he looked at it. I have heard this same thing from a lot of folks. I told dad that making folks happy by looking at my art was my main goal. Dad then told me that I was just painting what I felt on the inside. His words really hit me strong. I told dad, the way that I paint is usually not how I feel on the inside. Actually, I feel the opposite most of the time. I really struggle with worry and anxiety about so many things. Like this morning, I was so fearful of dropping my kids off at school. A lot of parents feel this way. I fear the uncomforts of life, or receiving some really bad news. I fear hurting others and messing up.The unknown and the unpredictably of life can feel so strong at times. This is always going to be life.
After telling dad this. I then told him, I DO paint the way that I do as a reminder of hope for the present hour and the future. Things that I can't see but I know that are there and Im gonna keep going after that. That is partially why light is so intriguing to me. It flickers on so many things that would have gone unnoticed. Plus, a light infused environment looks prettier. Everything looks prettier in the sun. In my work there is actually a lot of tension in there. The paint has been scrapped and pulled, really worked. There are depth and layers, but the outcome is something light hearted and free.
I will never be able to control and predict life. To a certain extent, I can predict what ends up on my canvas. In some ways I want my paintings to be sort of an escape from the filth of the world, something that makes you happy.